I've kept the best parts and played them in my mind

ok so im working on cleaning my room... in fact i've been working on it for like 2 1/2 weeks.... anywho, im cleaning and as usual im looking through every photo album, journal, and yearbook i pick up.

consequently, it's taken me 2 hours to clean one wall of pictures... and that's about all i have completed... and being the old lady i am, i'm tired and about to go to sleep

well, i guess i just find it curious how we save things from our life... sure it's nice to keep those memories preserved, especially from our childhood. i mean when im 40 im not gonna remember what happened on April 20, 2008.. but my journal most def will. and then there's me: the girl who keeps every memory and hides the painful ones but doesnt have the courage to throw them out... what can i say? im like everyone else, i'm afraid that one day i'll want to look back on those days and there'll be nothing for me to reminisce on......

At the same time isnt it a waste of time and space? these memories just allow us to live in the past and what might've been. i mean, shouldnt the things that really matter still be with us when we cant remember every event of our life. There's a reason some people dont make it to your future: they belong in your past... plain and simple

of course I'm not gonna get rid of all my stuff... that would require going against my pack rat instincts and well, i just dont have the strength to attempt that.. at least not tonight

so this is love....

so in light of my recent breakup which, wasn't exactly pretty, i decided to read this book.... i mean seriously, i quit relationships so why not read something that will instill that in my soul.

well thanks to Ashley Jackson, I discovered the existence of "I kissed dating goodbye" by Joshua Harris and decided in a moment of haste to buy it. i mean things couldnt get any worse right?well i've spent the majority of today reading it and I just ran across a paragraph that seriously brought me to tears.

"The world takes us to a silver screen on which flickering images of passion and romance play, and as we watch, the world says, "This is love." God takes us to the foot of a tree on which a naked and bloodied man hangs and says, "THIS is love."

wow. how could i have missed that. after i broke up with matt i felt sad and empty like i had lost something that i could never get back again. i didnt even realize that the love i thought i felt was a fabrication presented to me by my culture. for too long, I've missed his continuous exclamation of unending love for me. instead i've sought that wholeness in intimacy with another human being and yet, i've never been able to figure out why it just wasnt enough.

now i know why it wasn't. And im so thankful that i'm learning this now, instead of rushing into something that wasnt right. I have no idea where i'll be three months from now let alone 3 years but i'm so incredibly thankful to know that He has the timing right. I'm growing to appreciate this gift of Single-ness that God has granted me when i really need it.

kinda cool revelation, i guess.