just dance....

Life has just been incredibly different and weird for me lately. These simply phenomenal people have moved into my life over the last few months, and its seriously been one of the best things that has ever happened to me. im just so thankful for the ways in which they challenge me and the ways in which they pour into my life. Seriously, the simplicity of asking what is going on in my life is awesome to me. You know how we ask those generic questions like "how's life" or "what's going on with you" and we don't really expect an honest answer? Today, a friend of mine answered honestly, and it just impressed me so much. He actually told me what was going on in his life and I was just surprised by his vulnerability..yeah i mean he shares that kinda info anyway, but I don't. and the fact that he was willing to be real with me, just really rocked me for a second and i didn't know what to do next.

I wish I could be that open with everyone. I understand you can't trust everyone and that people will burn you, but seriously... you can't live in fear of that. So long, i've lived in fear of being hurt by other people that i don't allow myself to really show until i trust them. The quiet girl in a large group did not exist one year ago, but i just can't seem to shake her. and the entire time im just chilling, im going back and forth inside my head trying to convince myself to just let loose. i wish i understood it. i wish i knew what to do to be the loud crazy person i am on a regular basis. but so often, when i am that person, some people are just shocked. For example.... if you know me REALLY well... i mean really well...you know i can dance. no, i cant break dance or do any cool junk like that but you better believe i can break it down. but sometimes, when i do..some people are just shocked and then it makes me feel super awkward, the shell comes up, and i shut down... dont ask how, but it just happens.

i blame the quiet girl who has control of my surface-y self. she keeps me hidden until she feels comfy enough to let the real me out. im so sick of it. im sick of being boring. ugh. i seriously need to just stop all this whining, get out there, and dance like my life depends on it.

k, well anyway...... i talked to my dad today.... oh, padre. thankfully he was in a good mood. of course it made accomplishing anything impossible... i swear he's ADD. but listening to him banter with ryan and tara just made my day...and made me miss home a ton. I'm excited about spring break in west palm beach but im not excited about not seeing my family until easter.....

this is soooo random...but im tired and will think of something insightful next time.