Just Listen

At this time 22 years ago, I was slowly forcing my way out of my mother's uterus... little did she know I'd be such a perfect child.

22.

It's my perfect palindrome. I won't be able to write my age the same way backward and forward for another 11 years... and by then I doubt I'll care. I'll probably be depressed because I'm in my 30s... maybe I'll be dead and never have to worry about that sorta thing :)

I'm just over halfway through the second best day of the year (next to thanksgiving, where gluttony is celebrated) and this birthday is already incredibly different than the last. For instance, i received almost 30 facebook comments before i went to bed last night. Now I'm not giving facebookers much credit. I mean you literally did the one thing that took the smallest bit of effort. Heaven forbid one calls or texts. Regardless, I probably received that many in the entire day of my birth last June.

So riddle me this, what has changed? the only answer I can come up with is an effort to invest in relationships. I realized starting last fall that I really love people and I want them to know that. And everyone knows the best way to gain the affections of another is to ask them questions about themselves and let them ramble about how awesome they are for a while. You look like you actually care and they walk away feeling as if you did too. Don't get me wrong, I do care. I just wish I wasn't the only one who spent as much time listening as I do.

"Many a man would rather you heard his story than granted his request." -Philip Stanhope, Earl of Chesterfield

"The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them." -Ralph Nichols

Most of my friends don't know a great deal about me. They know they like me. I'm funny, smart, athletic... (it's my birthday I'm allowed to talk about how great I am) but they don't know why I'm this way. Nor have they bothered to ask. Many of them have no clue how many siblings I have, what their names are, that my parents are divorced, that my dad had cancer.


I love people because I know their story. I know what they've overcome to be the amazing individual they are (or sometimes aren't.) And I know their stories because I showed interest in who they are. This blog isn't an effort to guilt trip anyone or acquire sympathy from others. I don't need it, promise. I have a TON and literally I mean a TON of friends that I have and will always consider friends. But I long for those deep relationships in which they know why I check my lock 3 times on my car; why I still sleep with a stuffed animal I got when I was 6; why I choose to be trusting despite people's dark nature. None of these have to do with natural tendencies. They're all a result of life experience.


How well do you know your friends? The people you eat lunch with everyday, whether it's in the lunch room, dining hall, office break room... what's their middle name? why is it? Where are their parents from? How many siblings do they have? Where do they fall in birth order?


Maybe it's the sentimental psychologist in me. I don't know. But on a day that is marked by the moment I entered this world, I'm faced with the reality that I've lived 22 years and the people who have taken an interest in my life are the ones that remain close to me.

"Man's inability to communicate is a result of his failure to listen effectively." -Carl Rogers (I LOVE PSYCHOLOGY)

So take this day to examine your relationships. Ask somebody about their life and their family. Try to learn why they are the way they are and see if they do the same for you. I doubt they will. Then ask yourself, "am I listening as much as I'm talking?"

We all desire to be known. But first, I think we should know each other.

"I'm listening baby." -My dad

Masochist

It's so easy to seek out the people who hurt us. I don't get it but I do it all the time.

My mother and I have never had a close bond. We've just never seen eye-to-eye. Yet, for so long I would set myself up to be disappointed by her. I would create hope in the crevices that she created the last time she let me down.

I've done the same thing with my romantic relationships. I'm sure all of us have. You enter into a relationship (we can even include friendships in this) and you put this person on a pedestal of perfection. Then, inevitably they become human. They let you down. They leave. They break your heart. Maybe they just want to be friends. Maybe you just want to be friends.

Is this even possible? Does friendship exist when you've been hurt or hurt someone else? Being the idealist I am, I think so. I think you truly can forgive someone for hurting you. For me, it takes accepting them for who they are. Yeah, they screwed up and they suck at life. See that crevice in your heart? It's no fun. But neither is making it larger by packing it with anger. Don't forget how it felt, but don't maintain that pain.

Today I was faced with seeing someone I used to really care about. Someone I thought I had put behind me. My physiological reaction told me there was still something there. A crevice that I forgot to fill with forgiveness. Instead I filled it with hope that he would realize I was waiting for him. A realization he obviously never reached. So I was left with a crack in my foundation that I've attempted to pretend doesn't exist. Result: I found myself feeling hurt again over him and the confusion that exists with him.

Women are really bad about this. We create these fantasies about relationships and before the guy has even asked us out on the first date we've picked out the colors for the wedding. Okay, I don't really do this but I do fantasize about what could be. We all do. Don't deny it. You do it too.

It's nice to hope for something wonderful. Something that would fulfill everything you lack. The danger is when we forget to guard our own heart. When we open ourselves up too much at once and end up with not only cracks in our reserves but a literal abyss.

A very wise friend said this to me when I skyped her to freak out about seeing the former love interest:
"as for the [boy] thing... take it a day at a time. it's ok to get all shaky and discombobulated when you see him you know. you're strong, confident, and deserve better and you know that. all the more reason to only be friends and not worry yourself with anything more because you must focus on what exciting things you have in the future..."

This isn't anything I didn't already know. So why did her saying that make me feel better? Because it made me realize I'm not crazy. I'm not crazy for still needing to recover from having some of my heart broken. I don't need to see a psychiatrist because I've been feeling sorry for myself. Instead, I need to think of what I do have and the ways I've been blessed.

I have an amazing family that supports me in all my antics.
I have incredible friends that let me curl up in their bed when I need a good cry.
I have a roof over my head and food in my pantry.
I am dearly loved by the people around me and a God who carries me on days like today.
I have a desire to help people be happy. How I'll do that is still something I'm figuring out.

There's no need to be a masochist when it comes to relationships. Instead, look for the people that will lift you out of your funk. Who don't even put you there to begin with. The ones who will pray for you without you asking. The people that are willing to pick you up from work in the pouring rain because they know you walked (Thanks, Ezell!).

It makes the crevice moments way less impactful. You're not crazy. Just be smarter about guarding your heart. I'll try to do the same because from our heart bursts the wells of life. And no one wants a dry well.

"Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life."
Proverbs 4:23

Sabaah ilxeer!

Guess who's back? Back again... Sierra's back... tell a friend.
(preferably a single one)

I've been back in the states for nearly a week now. Egypt was such an incredible experience. I saw the pyramids, some ancient temples, and every childhood fantasy I had about going to Egypt came true.

Inside scoop: growing up in Akron, Ohio I was obsessed with Ancient Egypt. Literally, I read every story and book I could find.

I went to Egypt expecting an ancient people... Instead I found a modern city (Cairo) and remnants from ancient times (Luxor, Aswan)... And I found a people that laugh and love in a way so similar to ours yet different. there's really no adequate way to express this; but i will say that it puts southern hospitality to shame. for real.

I fell in love with Egypt and left a great deal of myself there... and I'm not talking about in the form of digestion. I was one of two people on our trip who didn't get diarrhea.

Egypt top 10

1. The Pyramids at Giza: we legit climbed up them and took a picture... okay not to the top but climbing did occur.
2. Cairo traffic: honestly, riding in a bus through Cairo was terrifying. I can only imagine attempting to navigate it yourself.
3. Ice cream and pastry shop: located on a roundabout in Al-Agouza. Seriously, the best ice cream I've ever had topped off with amazing chocolate cake creations. UGH.
4. Intern Brian: he hooked us up with deals like everywhere we went and was our cultural crutch. I'm sure we made him nervous with our willingness to talk to strange Egyptian men and wander off on our own.
5. Mafia: not the Egyptian one... the card game. We played it with our trip directors, the program directors in Cairo, at St. Catherine's Monastery, and we would've played atop Mt. Sinai if we had brought the cards.
6. Mosque: on the first friday in Cairo we attended a service at a nearby mosque. I got dressed in a higab (head covering) and it was interesting how similar it was to a christian service... Okay not similar really at all BUT there was a message and it was on morality... not to mention the fact that it centered on the importance of a moral woman b/c she brings the downfall... sound familiar saints?
7. FOOD: okay I know I already listed ice cream but the fruit and Egyptian food made my life! Kusheri, bashbussa (I'm guessing on that spelling), and the best watermelon of my life are forever etched in my stomach's memory. Besides, what kind of sloppy American would I be if I didn't appreciate the food?
8. Temples....Temples.....and more Temples: Even though I may have felt slightly temple'd out by the end of our Nile Cruise, it was awesome being there. To think I was walking on the same ground ancient egyptians had... and touched the same hierglyphics they touched totally blows my mind. I wish time travel was possible... seriously though.
9. Snorkelling in Dahab: This place...ugh... there are no words. I didn't understand when Brian couldn't describe it to us but really it's just phenomenal. The funny thing is, sure the water is the amazing shade of blue...but when you look at the landscape it's stark and brown... and then when you look under the water, it's this amazing world of every color and fish imaginable... seriously? Go. now. don't think about it... just buy the ticket and go.
10. Hiking Mt. Sinai: who needs to ride a camel up? i thought i was going to die, but it was such a great experience. besides, if Moses can do it at 90, so can you!

Readjusting to American life has been interesting. Not as dramatic as I expected, but I do miss Egypt a lot. Who knows, maybe someday I'll find myself there again.

Speaking of maybe someday....

The situation with the boy reached its climax about 2 months ago, and has been on a downward slope since. Going to Egypt let me finally let him go. So, dearest confusing male whom I had high hopes for-- see ya. I'm ready for something better.

stay tuned for more summer misadventures... it's only June :)